Why “No Thank You” is always better than “Silence”..
Has it happened to you that you are pursuing an opportunity with a potential client or partner and suddenly people just disappear?
I see this happen again & again. Email 1, no response. Email 2, no response. Email 3, no response. WhatsApp no response. Why can’t people just say:
“NO THANK YOU ”
In my opinion it is a big mistake not to give closure or at least update your counterpart on the status of an opportunity. Here is why..
Some months ago, I was invited to help in a big entertainment project and to help open doors to move the project forward. As such I opened my rolodex to see who could help out in the early stages of this opportunity. A person I new, let’s call him Lin, that was an acquaintance I played basketball with was now the President of an important international construction consulting firm and I thought I would introduce him the project so I sent him a ‘whats app’ and he agreed to a first meeting on a coffee shop. In that meeting he thought the entertainment project was interesting so we set-up a second meeting in the same coffee shop and I brought to the reunion the key sponsors of the project. There seemed to be some interest of collaboration after the meeting but Lin had to discuss internally the feasibility of providing some pro-bono help to move things forward.
I am pretty diligent to follow-up with people so after around ten days the chase for an answer started:
Week 1 >Via WhatsApp
Me: Hey Lin, how are you. Just wanted to follow-up on our meeting in the coffee shop. Anyway we can move forward?
Response: Silence
Week 2 > Via WhatsApp
Me: Hey Lin, just following up on my message last week…
Response: Silence
Week 3 > Via WhatsApp
Me: Hey Lin, Are you ok? Have not heard from you regarding my last messages. Would appreciate if you let me know if it is feasible or not to partner in the entertainment project.
Response: Silence
In WhatsApp, you as a sender know that the receiver saw your message given the two blue ‘checks’. And all my message had them. Ok, I guess I have to resign myself to SILENCE, I thought.
Two weeks later a very good friend was named as Secretary of Infrastructure of a very important region in Colombia. He had a BIG budget for some major construction projects like airports, roads & schools. He called and told me he was looking for a construction consulting firm to help him structure and plan many multimillion dollar projects and asked me if I knew somebody. My response was: “Yes, but I do not recommend him or his firm”. My friend ask why?. I responded “ Because, ‘No thank you’ is much better than silence” and told him the above story. He agreed with me. This construction consulting firm maybe lost a multimillion dollar opportunity that I could have opened with a trusted introduction but I decided not to do so. The fact, that Lin, ignored my messages on purpose and did not have the courage to say ‘NO THANK YOU’ affected negatively my perception of him, his company and his professionalism.
He could have easily written one line like “Hey, thanks for opening the opportunity of this entertainment project. Unfortunately due to XYZ cause we are unable to move forward. Anyway thanks so much and looking forward to keep in touch”. Wow, compare this to ‘SILENCE’.
The same happened to me when another person I was pursuing a business opportunity after some weeks of follow-ups decided to go for the ‘SILENCE’ strategy. One month later he lost his job due to the COVID effect. Given his skillset I had a couple of valuable introductions that could have landed him a new job. I decided not to do so.
Silence is a BIG MISTAKE. It breaks trusts, it damages the relationship, and it shows unprofessionalism because both parties have spent time and effort to explore an opportunity and saying ‘No Thank You” or “Not right now” is totally valid. SILENCE is not.
People make a big mistake by adopting silence as a strategy thinking that by not responding or saying nothing things just stay ‘as is’. The effect is totally the contrary. Personally, I lose respect and my perception of that person changes negatively. On the contrary when people have the courage to call you and give you the reasons of why the opportunity is not moving forward valuing the relationship, the effort and the time spent, I feel highly regarded and would happily consider them future opportunities, if they happen.
In summary, SILENCE closes doors. While ‘NO THANK YOU’ leaves them open. I invite you to check how do you feel towards someone when they just ignore you versus when at least they give you an answer or a follow-up. So don’t do to other people what you do not want people to do to you. A simple “NO THANK YOU” can bring you the next multimillion opportunity that Lin’s SILENCE lost.
